Reflections from the first month
It’s been just over one month since we moved from Maryland to Portugal. We knew it would be hard, and it has been difficult. We knew it would be amazing, and it is. Here are a few of the expected and unexpected things I’ve noticed.
Expected things:
Things have gotten easier over the past month. We’re getting more familiar with the area, the change in pace doesn’t feel quite as jarring to any of us, we can ask the butcher for ground beef (although sometimes we mix us the conversions for kgs and lbs). I am really enjoying having some free time to do things I used to love, like art, reading, and just relaxing. The Youngest is enjoying the slower pace, as that’s more his drum beat. The Oldest has been getting bored, but that’ll change as soon as school starts. The language is difficult, but we’re all making conscious efforts in our lessons to learn more every day and improve how we can communicate. We miss family and friends, certain snacks and restaurants. We don’t miss the hustle, the stress of not knowing what food is recalled each week, the traffic. The gelato is great. The river beaches and ocean beaches are lovely. So many things have been exactly as we thought.
Unexpected things:
And then there’s things that have caught us off guard.
Sadness at the change in education.
I never thought I’d be a homeschool parent. It was not in my plan, at all. Then COVID hit, plans changed, and I changed everything about our routines, my schedule, and our lives to adapt to homeschooling. We’ve all loved it (most days) for the past 6 years and while I always said we would only homeschool for as long as it worked for all of us, I never thought it would need to change. But then we moved. The kids will technically continue to be homeschooled, especially with continuing reading/writing/etc in English, but they’ll also be attending a learning community full time that’s taught in Portuguese. It was a deliberate decision to help them make friends quickly, be immersed in the language and culture, and have a sense of routine. More selfishly, I wanted to try to find a sense of community ASAP— I knew I would really miss the homeschool community we had built in Maryland. We’re closing in on their first day of school…and I know I’m going to miss having so much time with them.
The way the kids are adjusting.
We knew it would be hard on the kids. We knew the Oldest would deeply miss his friends. We knew the Youngest would enjoy playing Facetime games with friends, and still miss them. That’s all been true. There’s sadness, crying over minor/unexpected things, anger, moodiness— nothing unexpected there. What has been a surprise is the change in the way they interact with others. The Oldest is one of the most friendly, extroverted people I’ve ever met— but not here. He’s quiet, reserved, and is slow to connect with others. The Youngest is slow to warm up to others, tends to be shy, not quick to initiate play with other kids— but not here. Here, he’s outgoing, open to playing with other kids as long as they show the slightest inclination. They don’t even need to speak English, and he’s off and laughing with them. While we’re delighted at the way the Youngest is engaging with ease, I’m hoping that the Oldest will find his footing soon.
Being welcomed so warmly by other immigrants.
This should not have been unexpected, if I had really thought about it. The people who have gone out of their way to make us feel welcome, supported, invited us to meet others, offered to have us over for coffee—they’re all immigrants themselves. [Part of it is that we all share English as at least one common language (although we’ve met very few Americans), as our Portuguese is not strong. Until we’re at least conversational, it’ll be hard to build solid connections with Portuguese families.] But it’s mostly that they understand, and they remember what it was like to leave everything behind and start over somewhere new. They know what it’s like to not have extended family nearby for holidays, to miss foods that are familiar, to not even have sheets that fit the beds correctly. To have experienced the same disorientation of not knowing the social norms, social expectations, the rules that are not needed to be said for anyone born here. They see us, and it’s been such a comfort to have a few people really understand the seismic shift that we’re feeling.
Missing home.
I don’t mean our old house or the things we left in storage, or really most of our things in general. We sold, donated and gave away almost everything we owned. It was full of mixed feelings to declutter so extremely. It’s been amazingly easy to keep our new home neat and tidy with very few things. What I didn’t expect was how much those little things (including the clutter) contributed to our Maryland house feeling like a home. It was memories, personality, warmth. And while we like our Portuguese house, it lacks our personality, our memories. It’s furnished, which was a wonderful stress relief as we didn’t have to immediately purchase and assemble furniture, but it’s not ours. We brought pictures, some books, board games, a small handful of knickknacks. The kids brought a bag of toys and belongings each. But we’re all craving the feeling of being settled and surrounding by our own things in our own house.
Randomness of the week:
Gelato flavors we’ve tried so far
pineapple basil
salted caramel
ricotta and fig
milk chocolate
hazelnut
vanilla
strawberry
Current McDonald’s tally: 3
Current beach trip tally: 5